Triptych
by Mynuet
Summary: A story told from three points of view: Sylphiel, Xellos and Lina. Corrected/revised 1-22-02 in preparation for the sequels.
1. The Green Eyed Monster

Triptych  
  
Part One: The Green Eyed Monster  
  
She hit him! She threw him into the lake and he insulted her and she screamed at him! I have never, would never hit my darling or scream at him like some vulgar trollop. He deserves better. He deserves me. So why is it that when she jumps off of the rock and sits down to cry he rushes over to hold her? Why is it that he holds her up while we're walking to the inn? And why, by all that's holy, does she let him? Why does she take for granted what I would give my soul for? She can't.  
  
She mustn't.  
  
She won't.  
  
Not anymore. If Lina had disappeared into the chaos, Gourry would be holding me. I can make Gourry happy. Lina has to be taken out of the picture.  
  
"You can feel it, can't you?" A dark voice crept into my ear, the whisper of breath on my neck making me shiver. I had not expected anyone to be in the garden, and indeed had deliberately chosen it so that I could be alone. I turned to see Xellos, but a different Xellos than the normal one. His usual smirk was noticeably absent from his face, making him seem more mysterious... Alien. Almost monstrous.  
  
"The jealousy? The hatred? They're burning inside of you." I licked my lips, wondering if he was reading my mind, my emotions or just randomly guessing. "Don't try to deny it. I can feel them." A smile tugged at Xellos' lips. "I am a Mazoku after all."  
  
" Stay away from me!" I cried. "Can't you just leave me alone?!"  
  
"Oh, no, my dear." Xellos shook his head, the smile turning a shade darker. "For the first time in your life, you're feeling anger. Rage, even. Am I correct?"  
  
I wanted to shout at him, rail against the invisible barrier the trickster priest had always surrounded himself with, but I knew the truth of what he said. Somehow this monster knew what was in my heart.   
  
"You want to hurt something, don't you?" Xellos's smirk returned, but with a hard edge. One eye opened, his amethyst iris glinting with a coldness so sharp it burned. "Or should I say, you want to hurt some ONE. The shrine maiden is losing her innocence."  
  
I shook my head sharply, trying to deny what he said, what I felt. I had devoted my life to believing that life is sacred and that my duty was to always preserve it. How could I contemplate anything different? How could I consider betraying the ideals of my father, of my youth?   
  
"You want to feel something else feel your pain, isn't that right?" Xellos pressed on relentlessly. " You want to destroy what hurts you. You want to KILL."  
  
"NO!" I shouted. "I don't want that, I don't!" I can't want that, I thought desperately.  
  
"Then why is that dagger in your hands?" His voice glided like rose petals, but the petals concealed a nest of thorns. Thorns I could not escape or avoid, for the Trickster spoke the truth. I sank to my knees and sobbed, mourning for my innocence, my faith, for my father and for me. He watched impassively, silent as a stone as I cried an ocean of tears.  
  
Finally, exhausted, I reached down and touched the earth. The last of my useless, bitter tears fell on the barren earth as I trembled and retched. I looked up to note that Xellos's gloved hands were clenched tightly on the ruby tipped staff and he leaned against it for support like an ancient and palsied man. He looked for all the world like he had been the one to suffer the paroxysms of emotion that had torn apart my psyche. His apparent weakness somehow comforted me.  
  
I stood, fully in control of myself and firm in purpose and determination. Gourry was to be mine. Lina was to be gone. So it was I wished it, and so it would be done. "Begone."  
  
Xellos blinked out of existence at my command and I started towards the inn. I had much to plan and I would have to take pains to appear normal. After all, when the time comes, no one must suspect I had a hand in arranging the death of Lina Inverse.  
  
---------  
  
"We've got to do something." Amelia looked at her fellow conspirators, all of them huddled close to the campfire, their faces reflecting concern and a vital need for secrecy. "This can't be allowed to go on!"  
  
Zelgadis held a finger to his lips, shooting a warning glance at the little princess. "Yes but what can we do? We can't even speak openly, let alone make a change in the way things are."  
  
Amelia looked mutinous but it was Gourry who spoke. "Look, even if she doesn't like it, we have to do something. Every day for the past two weeks there's been at least one thing that goes wrong and Lina almost gets killed."  
  
"But what can we do? Lina refuses to believe that it's anything other than random bad luck and I for one don't want to push the issue with Little-Miss-Instant-Dragon-Slave." Zel took another sip of coffee, only the slight tightening around his lips betraying his air of nonchalance.  
  
"Maybe if we talk to her...."  
  
"No, Sylphiel. Amelia tried talking to her. Remember, you cast the healing spell on her split lip." Zelgadis stood up, dumping the dregs of his coffee into the fire. "No, all we can do is to try to keep her alive until she admits that there's a problem." With that, he stalked off towards his bedroll.   
  
"I'm afraid he's right, Mr. Gourry." Amelia heaved a deep sigh. "Still, she'll be all right, because Justice will prevail." Too tired to pose, Amelia slunk towards the women's tent. "Are you coming, Miss Sylphiel?"  
  
"In a minute."  
  
Gourry stared into the fire, not speaking. After a few minutes I sidled closer, laying my hand over one of his. "Is there anything I can do for you Gourry dear?"  
  
He looked up, a smile spreading across his face like sunshine breaking through the clouds. It would have made my heart sing if I hadn't noticed that it did not touch his eyes at all. "It's okay Sylphiel. Why don't you go get some rest?"  
  
Deliberately, I let my hand brush his thigh. "Are you sure there's nothing I can do to make you feel better?"  
  
His smile never wavered, and it might have been an accident that he brushed my hand off of him as he leaned forward to stir the embers back to life. "No, I'm fine. I'll just get some more firewood and then turn in myself."   
  
It might have been an accident. But it wasn't. And I knew damn well that he had no intention of turning in, as I had heard him arrange with Zelgadis to take turns standing watch. My priority, however, was to avoid seeming out of place, so I smiled and yawned hugely as I walked towards my bedroll. There would be time enough for him to notice me once Lina was gone. She had been extremely lucky every day for fifteen miserably long and Lina-filled days, but her luck only needed to fail once. The convenient accidents I kept arranging weren't even a strain as I drew on magical resources I had not known I possessed.   
  
I don't know what awoke me. Maybe there was a noise, or maybe it had something to do with the feeling of a dark voice breathing in my ear. Regardless of the cause, I realized I could only hear one other person breathing. Creeping silently, I moved past the sleeping princess and inched the tent flap open enough to see, but not enough to be seen.   
  
There she was, the high and mighty Miss Inverse, sitting in my dear Gourry's lap. Her cheeks showed signs of recent tears, but there were no tears now. No, she was too busy running her hands through his corn silk hair and kissing him to cry. My hands clenched as he ran one hand over her legs as the other held her close against his broad chest. I gritted my teeth and promised myself that tomorrow, tomorrow would be the day that Lina Inverse would die. In the meantime, I cast a quiet spell, working slowly so as to muffle the feeling of power being built up. Once I was ready, I released the spell and the log Gourry was sitting on went through ten years' worth of rotting in an instant. Both fell to the ground and I crept back to my bed, satisfied that there would be no more closeness between Lina and my Gourry on this night.  
  
-------------  
  
The next day, I saw my chance. Xellos appeared and while everyone was distracted by his usual behavior, I moved into position behind him. He was complaining to Lina about how his power was diminishing when I funneled a great deal of power over and around him. The red and black nimbus around him made it appear that he was casting a powerful spell, and the full force of a Dragon Slave was headed directly for Lina. Gourry screamed and tried to intercept it with his Sword of Light but he was too far away, and I had to bow my head to hide a most inappropriate smirk.  
  
I still don't understand how she survived. At the last second, Xellos stepped close to her and held her, whispering into her ear. There wasn't have been enough time for her to cast a shield spell but it turned out she didn't need to. She held her wrists so that all four of her talismans were aligned and the spell and all the power I was expending were absorbed into them, making them glow and flicker like living flame instead of cold gems.  
  
Cursing silently, I dropped the spell, wobbling slightly. I moved my hands as if I was dropping a protective barrier and drew my face into lines of shock, horror and relief. That little witch has more lives than a cat!  
  
The time had come for more direct methods. I bided my time, waiting for the right opportunity, forming and dismissing hundreds of plans. Oh, there were still "accidents", but that was more out of habit than a belief that anything would come of it. I had insisted on magically sealing the tent at night, for Lina's protection, of course, so I was assured that there would be no more midnight tete a tetes.  
  
Then one day the perfect situation presented itself, gift wrapped and with a big red bow on top. Zelgadis had heard a rumor about an ancient library that we chased to the city of Vija. I very hesitantly suggested we stay at an inn overnight. Scraping my eye with a fingernail produced watering eyes when the chimera objected. I stumbled through a semi-coherent well rehearsed speech about being exhausted, needing food and the famous all you can eat buffet I thought everyone would enjoy. For a purely artistic touch, I trailed off on a plaintive note, bemoaning the possibility of missing out on the hot springs that served as that town's claim to fame.   
  
Hook, line and sinker. Zelgadis didn't even offer more than a token protest as Lina and Amelia pulled him by the wrists and Gourry pushed from behind, all moving at top speed towards the promised wonders.  
  
After a brief meal, I excused myself on the basis of exhaustion and retired to my bedroom. I napped briefly, but woke well before they had exhausted the buffet's resources. Once I was sure they were all in their beds, I crept from the inn. I had a sleep spell at the ready, but I managed to get out to the ancient library without being seen.  
  
I surveyed the old stone building, pleased with the possibilities. It was would be phenomenally simple to rearrange the traps and add a bit more power. The first person to enter the library would be instantly and simultaneously crushed and fried. And since Lina always insists on going first... Well satisfied with the night's work, I made my stealthy way back to my bed where I dreamed delightful dreams of Gourry holding me while I cried over Lina's untimely demise.  
  
Imagine my horror when, just as Lina's foot was about to trigger her one-way ticket to crispy pancake land, Gourry threw his arm in front of her and insisted he would go first in case any dangers lurked. Running as fast as I could, I managed to prevent the worst of the damage, but my poor darling suffered three broken ribs, one of which punctured a lung, a concussion, a fractured collarbone and quite a few nasty burns on his legs and feet. It took a lot out of me to protect him even that far and I fainted when I tried to help Lina and Amelia heal him.  
  
It must have been hours later when I awoke, for the sun was setting as I rose. I looked around the room I had slept in for parts of the previous night and felt a small jolt when I saw Lina sitting calmly in a chair by my bedside. I smiled at her and started to thank her for sitting with me. It was when she shook her head sorrowfully that the hairs on the back of my neck stood up and I wondered how much she knew, how much they all knew.  
  
"I think you should know, Sylphiel, that I've sealed your magic. There are no knives in here, no convenient rocks or bandits or any assorted other potentially fatal mishaps that can happen." Her voice was curiously flat as she spoke and I knew she, at least, has tumbled onto the truth.  
  
My eyes flickered to follow her hand as it tucked a long ringlet behind her ear. Unlike the rest of her hair, this lock was a pure golden yellow, blazing brightly against the fiery red of her normal hair. "How is my dear Gourry?"  
  
Her lips twisted into a bitter grin. "MY dear Gourry has a hell of a headache. Other than that he's safe and sound."   
  
I closed my eyes and silently gave thanks to whatever power had saved his life. "Does... Does he..."  
  
"Does he know it's you who has been trying to kill me and almost killed him?" She idly picked a piece of lint from her arm and stretched back in her chair. "No. I see no reason to hurt him with the knowledge."  
  
I breathed a sigh of relief. Even if Lina killed me for my attempts on her life, Gourry would never know what I had done. He would never hate me.  
  
The silence stretched on and I couldn't bear to feel her eyes on me, showing none of her feelings. "Don't you want to know why?"  
  
"I know why, Sylphiel." She sat up and rubbed her face with both hands, her expression one of pure weariness. "I felt the same sort of hate and desperation when I saw Gourry paying attention to you, holding your hands and treating you like the rarest of delicate flowers."  
  
She stood and started to pace as I tried to internalize this new information. I realized she was still speaking and sat up, listening intently. "He remembered you. He likes your cooking. You're perfect wife and mother material and you have an actual set of boobs, not two little bumps. I wanted to pull all your hair out and then poke your eyeballs out for looking at my property."  
  
She stopped, crossing her arms over her stomach as she looked out the window. "I didn't. I tried to be extra nice to you because you were sweet and kind and if Gourry didn't love me back, I couldn't think of anyone who would be better for him or who deserved him more."  
  
I felt hollow. I saw a tear trickle down her cheek and felt like I was completely disconnected from the scene, a stranger watching a play.  
  
She swiped at her tears with the back of her hand and attempted a more characteristic smirk. She almost succeeded. "I can even understand why your cheese slipped the cracker. First that copy of Rezo destroyed your home and almost everything you loved. Then you lost Flagoon and Fibrizzo put you through hell on earth." She'd resumed pacing, ticking off each of my traumas on her fingers. "It's no wonder you cracked. If arranging accidents for me made you feel better, I was willing to play along."  
  
I couldn't disguise my shock. "You KNEW? All along?!?"  
  
She shrugged. "Not all along. Just since that night you made the log rot." This time her smile was genuine, with a wink thrown in for good measure. "No one else would've cared that Gourry was holding me. And since you were being careful to just target me, I figured I'd look on it as exercise, mental training. Pretty tame stuff after you've survived the worst Luna Inverse can dish out."  
  
I sat back, stunned. THIS was Lina Inverse, the Dragon Spooker, the Bandit Killer? How could this be the same Lina who used the Dragon Slave on anyone who mentioned her lack of chest size. I'd tried to KILL her.... I should be ashes at the bottom of a crater by now. I deserved her fury and she was being calm and patient and understanding. What had happened to her?  
  
It was then that I noticed the bandage on her collarbone and the way she was being very careful with her legs. She was sitting uncomfortably and being very careful not to rest her back against the chair. Symptoms of someone who had suffered injuries like Gourry's, not of someone who hadn't even been bruised. But it was her eyes... Her eyes looked like my eyes had looked when I first had to accept that Sairaag was gone and my father was dead. I had put that grief there. By betraying her trust, I had broken Lina Inverse. I had made the Enemy of all Who Live cry.  
  
"I can't let you do this anymore." Her voice strengthened, showing the iron clad will that allowed Lina to face down monsters and dark lords. "You don't even know what you did. You hurt Gourry, but you were there to save his life." Her hands clenched into fists as she stood. "Do you realize that it's been a game for the local children to go up there and thread through the traps for hundreds of years? By changing the traps from their existing configuration, you made their playground a killing field. And what would have happened if it had been a kid who set your trap off? You wouldn't have been there to save him."  
  
I hadn't known. I didn't check. I could have killed a completely innocent child. I was overwhelmed by grief and horror as I realized what I monster I had become. "I deserve to die."  
  
She slapped me, hard. Her eyes flared and gold glints appeared in her crimson eyes. "No, Sylphiel that'd be too easy. _I_ decide what you deserve and if I thought it was death, you _would_ be dead."  
  
I shrank back, terrified of this glimpse of her consuming rage. I wanted to speak, to ask what would become of me, but the words shriveled in my throat and refused to venture into the red hot nimbus of tension surrounding the sorceress. This was something beyond anger, beyond hate.  
  
Abruptly, she seized her control back and sat down. The only remaining sign of her anger was the flashing of her ruby eyes. "You will live, Sylphiel." I shuddered at her ice cold tone. "You will live because I will not take your life and no one else has the right to. And in so living you will suffer more than any damage I could inflict."  
  
I felt like a mouse caught in the stare of a snake. I couldn't look away. I was frozen in place, barely able to breathe through the feeling of a great weight on my chest.  
  
"You will stay here, in the Temple of Ceipheed. You will tend their gardens and their sick, relying on knowledge and skill rather than magic." My sentence was delivered in a staccato monotone, their cadences ripping into my heart. But there was one arrow left to fire.   
  
She leaned forward until her nose almost touched mine and spoke in a low, threatening tone. "You will have no contact whatsoever with Gourry, Zelgadis or Amelia. If you attempt so much as to have someone say hello to them for you, I will tell them everything. You will not contact me, but I will return in five years. If I die before I visit, I have made arrangements for Gourry to be informed of your actions." A wry grin pulled at the corner of her mouth as the impact of her words sank in. "It's kinda funny that instead of trying to kill me you'll be praying for my safety."  
  
She stood and brushed her hands against each other. "If, in five years, I think I can trust you, I'll give you your powers back." She made to leave but stopped with her hand on the doorknob, her head bowed as she spoke softly. "I'm sorry I have to do this, Sylphiel. Maybe someday we can be friends again."  
  
She left and shut the door quietly behind her. As I heard her steps retreating down the hallway, I realized what a fool I had been. No romantic love, from Gourry or anyone else, would equal the love of friendship that I had thrown away. By chasing an illusion of love I had destroyed the reality. I felt the strength and anger of madness finally drain away, leaving me with nothing but shame and sorrow.  
  
It has been many months since that day. The gardens of Ceipheed's temple bloom magnificently and I have trained many in the knowledge of plants and how to heal with them. I've learned to accept the friendship of others and to return it. And yet...  
  
And yet there is not a day that goes by that I do not feel afresh the horror of my madness, of my actions. There is no relief for me in crying; there have been no tears since that day I spoke to Xellos in another garden, far away and long ago. My pain and my grief are with me constantly and I grow weary or their company.  
  
End Part One 


	2. Warrior, Sorcerer, General, Priest

Triptych  
  
Part Two: Warrior, Sorcerer, General, Priest  
  
I had dismissed the weakness at first. After all, it started when I was recovering from having my arm ripped off by Gaav. I had thought to pretend to be more injured than I was, in any case, since I had no interest whatsoever in being involved in Hellmaster's plans any further than I already had been.   
  
Would things have been different if I hadn't been so dismissive? I don't know. I suppose I should say that it is a secret, but I have lived too long to keep secrets from myself. It can put you at a severe disadvantage, as several humans I have had to manipulate found out... After I had what I wanted. Still, regret is a useless thing. Everything has worked out to my advantage, so why should I quibble about the timing?  
  
It started with nostalgia. Things I had not thought of in two thousand years came to me and would not leave. While I waited to see how Lina Inverse would defeat Lord Hellmaster, I tried to forget the ancient past and concentrate. Finally I distracted myself by pondering Lina's potential as a Mazoku. While Seigram had been rejected out of hand, I am considerably more persuasive. The emotion she displayed for her swordsman, however, would make it a tricky proposition. I decided I would keep observing her, and perhaps bring up the possibility years later.  
  
Of course, that was before she became the earthly host for the Lord of Nightmares. Never had I felt such power! Raw and refined, unfettered and controlled, good and evil, male and female; It was all that and more. It was everything and it was nothing. It was terrifyingly beautiful and I felt... Sorrow. I did not want Lina to disappear into Chaos. She was amusing and useful and I would miss her.  
  
I could not believe the strength of the emotions coming from her friends. Two especially interested me, the swordsman Gourry and the shrine maiden Sylphiel. For while Gourry was broadcasting rage and fear, he was also feeling love and hope, making a curious taste blend of emotions, almost bitter, almost sweet. It was to that sweetness I attributed most of my weakness. I thought that the shrine maiden's guilt, anger and fear more than made up for the spike of joy she felt, and I made a note to visit her later to savor the bouquet of her negative emotions at my luxury.   
  
In the meantime, I followed the Lord of Nightmares, attracted and repulsed by the overwhelming presence of the Golden Lord. I hovered invisibly nearby, fascinated and yet hoping that terrible gaze would not turn in my direction.   
  
I saw the Sword of Light, dropping away from where the audacious swordsman had disappeared from my sight, along with the Golden Lord in the body of Lina Inverse. I reached out to grab it, and as my hands closed around the hilt I felt my body freeze, paralyzed by feeling the weight of the edges of the mind of the Ultimate Lord touching mine.  
  
My mind heard the Voice, like that of the sorceress I had followed but at the same time so much more, and resistance was not an option. The sword would be returned to Gourry Gabriev. In time I would find the key to curing my weakness by helping the chimera find his. But before I could start such a search, it was L-sama's Will that I save the world. There was not a glimmer of protest in my mind. I had thought my master impossible to refuse, before. The demands of Xellas were mere polite suggestions by comparison. This was to be the first crack in my obedience to Beastmaster, as no order she could give would in any way interfere with my complete and total obedience to the Will of the Lord of Nightmares.   
  
And so it was. I returned the Sword, feeling a spasm of weakness I attributed to the love and relief that was coming from most of the party. I subtly enhanced the negative feelings of the shrine maiden, encouraging the seeds of hatred, obsession and madness I could see buried in her soul. Perhaps these would bear a pleasant fruit for me to savor.   
  
It was in the garden that I realized something was seriously wrong. The madness took hold of Sylphiel's soul beyond my wildest dreams. I should have been reveling in a flood of energy. Instead, for ever bit of nourishment I took from her, I felt a diminishment. As she sobbed out a veritable All-You-Can-Eat Feast for Mazoku, I grew weaker and weaker, needing to clutch my staff to keep from falling. Worse yet, I felt - no, I _remembered_ sadness, joy, love, betrayal... Regrets. She told me to leave and I was too weak to even make a smart-assed comment. Something was definitely very wrong.  
  
I hid. Like any wounded predator, my priority was to avoid becoming prey. Only when I was sure I was safe did I take the time to ponder what was causing this detestable problem. It seemed unlikely that it was caused by the Lord of Nightmares directly, since she could have simply killed me, as casually as a child swats a fly or Lina fireballs a bandit. Perhaps, to overcome this problem, I would have to give in to it. I would have to explore the memories of my distant and long forgotten humanity.  
  
--------  
  
My earliest memories are not of my mother, but rather of being told of my mother. The price of being a whore's son was repeatedly demanded of me and the priest who was in charge of my care enjoyed extracting it from my back. All the others at the Temple of Ceipheed chose to believe that the beatings I endured were necessary discipline for my smart mouth and love of tricks. It wasn't until years later that I realized that beating me satisfied a perverted lust in the priest. Enjoyable for a mazoku, but not for the small boy on the receiving end.  
  
I was twelve when I killed him. I can still see the shock on his face when the pain and hate grew too great and the I lashed out. No more prayers to a useless god; I would deliver myself. I didn't even intend to kill him, merely to stop the beatings, but my fist crushed his nose and drove fragments of bone into his brain. I felt very vague and disconnected, almost as if another's hand was delivering the blow, another's eyes watching him crumple to the floor.   
  
I don't remember the next few months clearly. Constant starvation will play hell with your memory. I do remember being on the run, trying to outdistance and hide from the pious temple goers who sought to punish the "ungrateful misbegotten whore's brat who had foully murdered the one person to take a kind interest in him". I proved adept at thievery and took whatever food, clothes or coin I could find as I got further and further from the city of my birth.  
  
The next clear memory I have is of being caught. Never had I been so terrified as when the warrior's huge hand clamped around my wrist, imprisoning the hand that held his purse. Still, he saw something worthwhile in the ragged guttersnipe that I was. He took me home and adopted me as his son. Days, months and years blurred as he passed on his knowledge, forging me into a strong warrior. Life was golden and I could have become a great hero, a warrior respected and honored by all, if I hadn't, on my first quest, met a sorceress. Then again, I'd be long dead and wouldn't have had such an interesting time as a mazoku, so maybe Fate knows a thing or two after all.  
  
For the first time since he had taken me under his wing, my master and I exchanged harsh words. So strong was the desperation of first love that I abjured my master and rejected the legacy and traditions that I had been chosen as heir to. This harlot's son and sometime warrior lived with his love and learned her ways.  
  
And, oh! The bliss of those early days, flush with the blooms of love and youth. I discovered a love of learning, of the written word, that I had never had reason to suspect lived within me. I delved eagerly into magical texts, history books, even novels and poetry, absorbing all of the wisdom I could find. We acquired a traveling companion, my best friend from the days I trained as a warrior, and the three of us went around the world, visiting libraries and temples to find more and more knowledge.   
  
I was so caught up in my new found love of knowledge that I never noticed a change in my lover or my friend. It was not until my beloved and her new lover attempted to kill me that I realized I had been betrayed. Unfortunately for them, I had by that time far outstripped either of them in terms of magic and fighting ability. I swore to myself never to trust again as I stepped over the crumbling ashes of the conspirators.  
  
I continued his studies, but without the joy I had once felt. Days passed seamlessly as I pursued  
knowledge in all forms, but especially knowledge that would give grant me power. That was what I lived for, and no boundaries were strong enough to keep me from increasing my knowledge. Spells that were deemed forbidden, I learned. Magic that had not been used in centuries I traced to the source, perfecting my grasp on the spell. I even found a spell that had been created by the Dark Lord Shabranigdo to kill dragons.  
  
It was then that I flirted with traditional forms of power. I seized a kingdom, using the magic I had gathered to wipe out any who opposed my claim. I had expected this would make my life easier, as I could order my subjects to bring me spells and magical items. It took less than a year for me to realize just how tedious it is to be a king. Your subjects expect you to solve their problems and judge their disputes, your court expects you to pay attention to their petty squabbles and random grabs for land or riches and all of them expect you to stay in one place. And did they bring me one single solitary spell? No, not my subjects. Whiners, every one. With them it was all "But Your Majesty, no one can survive that quest". I walked away, leaving the kingdom of Zoana to rot for all I cared.  
  
I decided to get serious about research. I climbed into the mountains and spent years studying dragons. I compiled texts on the different types of dragons, their societies, magic and even the anatomy of the different types. I especially admired the golden dragons, considering them beautiful beyond compare despite the first traces of decay and decadence in their society. After I had learned everything there was to learn about the dragons, I traveled again, looking for a new interest to research.  
  
And then one day... One day I met the most beautiful maiden in the world and became consumed with thoughts of her. The heart which I had been sealed away for years began to beat again, only for the sound of her voice, the beauty of her smile. To impress her I did great works, healing the sick and helping the downtrodden, even returning to the worship of Ceipheed which I had abjured decades before. I would do anything for her, my goddess of the laughing eyes. She agreed to marry me and I gave her a betrothal present fit for a queen, a long chain of orihalcon meant to loop three times around the neck to signify past, present and future. From one loop hung an amethyst the size of a hen's egg that she insisted matched my eyes perfectly. She cried and said this was surely much too precious for her and that she would keep my gift close to her heart until she died. Yet for all her honeyed words and sweet touches, I did not trust her. I was consumed with fear that she would leave me, that she would take a lover and betray me. In my jealous obsession I would not allow her to leave the house and allowed no men to enter the property, let alone to see her, on pain of death. I would not even allow her own father and brother to contact her.  
  
As the first ecstasy of love died down, I took up my studies again, researching everything ever written about mazoku - and about immortality. She withdrew from me and I, convinced that she was hiding a lover from me, dismissed all the servants and magically sealed the mansion against anyone entering or leaving except for specific times when I needed something from the outside world. Even then I would not leave my wife alone in the mansion for fear of losing her and I would summon a minor mazoku to retrieve whatever I needed. She sank farther into her depression, refusing to leave her bed and barely eating. I continued my studies, content that she was there and would not be able to leave.  
  
In that she was cleverer than I. One day I came to her room to find she had carefully anchored the long, thin chain of orihalcon to a ceiling beam and then delicately wrapped it around her neck before she stepped off of a chair and finally escaped her gilded cage. The amethyst shimmered and winked as it swung over her left breast. I raged against her stupidity, her ultimate betrayal. I kept the chain and pendant as a reminder never to forget the treachery of women and dumped her body in the midden to sink into the refuse and sewage.  
  
Once I had returned to my library, I was disturbed by a thin wail echoing through the empty hallways. I tried to ignore it, attribute it to overwork or tiredness. Surely she had been too eager to escape to leave a ghost behind. After a half hour had passed I gave up the pretense of working and tracked the sound to its source, a tiny scrap of humanity wrapped in a blanket on the bed my wife had lain in for so long. I had a daughter.  
  
It's funny that I don't remember my daughter's name. Perhaps it's because I knew that she and I would be transitory in each other's lives, with her eventually going off to find the love that had always eluded me. I taught my daughter the skills of a warrior I retained and trained her in the magical arts before I unsealed the mansion and once again interacted with the outside world. My daughter would be able to rely on herself and would never be taken advantage of.  
  
My duty as a parent done, I once again traveled the world, observing what had changed in the years I had stayed sealed away and what continued, seeming eternal. I did no more great deeds for humanity or for Ceipheed but then, I had no one I needed to impress. Occasionally I accepted jobs that seemed amusing or interesting, even finding an outer world artifact created by Dark Star on one of my missions. Still I had not found the answers I sought about immortality and I returned to my home to study. My daughter had fallen in love and was living happily with her husband in the town that would be called Sairaag, so I was able to research uninterrupted. The news that she had died in childbirth five years after her marriage caused only a momentary pang while I continued striving for the answers I sought, and I felt no need to go visit the newborn grandson she had left behind. I could see glimpses of the future and knew that I did not have a lot of time left.  
  
The breakthrough had come when I contacted Xellas, the Beastmaster, Mazoku Lord and devastatingly  
beautiful woman. I was spellbound by her as she laughed at my request for immortality and chided me for a lack of imagination. Fingering the amethyst pendant I kept around my neck, she told me to ask her for something truly worthy of her in one year and then disappeared.  
  
Precisely one year later, she reappeared. I had focused all of my energies on planning what to ask for and how to get it. As she sat on my lap and again toyed with the amethyst that I wore, I made my request. Laughing delightedly and clapping her hands, she kissed me and told me that two mazoku would appear in one week and I would have to defeat them to gain my request. I was pleasantly surprised by the amount of time she gave me, as I had expected the fight to happen immediately. I felt she had definite plans for me to come out the victor. The least I could do was oblige her.   
  
And so I was prepared, smiling and nodding a greeting to each of the two mazoku on the other side of my desk at the second exactly 10,080 minutes since she had left.  
  
"Welcome, gentlemen, to my home. Would you care for some tea?" The two facing me shook their heads, one looking angry and impatient while the other maintained a stony facade. "As you wish. Lord Beastmaster stated she will not interfere in any way with the events of this night, and no reprisals will be forthcoming for any action taken. I believe she has given you both her word on this as well? Very well then, begin when you are ready."  
  
As I sat back in my chair, the angry looking mazoku lunged towards me, seemingly intent on ending my existence immediately. Little did he know the job would be done if he just sat back and waited for another hour or two. I was risking nothing to gain everything. I calmly sipped tea as the angry mazoku fell, his expression flashing to puzzlement and then incredulity before he blinked out of existence, stabbed in the back by the other mazoku.  
  
"I will take that tea now." He smiled and dropped gracefully into one of the chairs arranged in front of my desk.  
  
"Of course." I poured another cup and offered it to the monster, bowing.  
  
"But first... We will switch cups." The mazoku smiled a distinctly shark like smile as he felt the overpowering waves of despair and terror flowing towards him from where I sat, my right hand clenching the amethyst pendant until my knuckles whitened. Delicately, he sipped his tea. "It seems a shame to kill the one who made the disposal of my ancient enemy possible. If you reconsider your request, perhaps you can live through the night."  
  
I did my best to appear thoughtful, fidgeting with the amethyst pendant as hope overtook the flood of negative emotions the mazoku had been absorbing. "What did you have in mind?"  
  
The mazoku took another deep draught of tea to hide his smile at how easy his night's work seemed. "Content yourself with half a loaf. Join me, take that idiot's place, and taste power beyond your wildest dreams."  
  
I allowed a smile to spread across my face as I smashed to powder the amethyst with which I had broadcast stored emotions. The mazoku abruptly lost the buoying sensation of negative emotions and could not draw any power from the flood of good emotions I was feeling. "I'm afraid I'm a rather jealous person, my dear sir. I do not share, even a loaf."  
  
He had flown backwards ten feet before he fell against the wall with a bone cracking force. He  
attempted to gather his power to obliterate me when he found that he could not concentrate enough to cast even the simplest of defense spells.  
  
"I'm afraid your friend was right to refuse the tea." I gave him my best charming smile and laughed merrily. "It's a special blend, developed and brewed by the Golden Dragons. It obliterates negative feelings and enhances good ones. A temporary effect, and one with a risk of addiction, as well."  
  
The mazoku tried to stand, but was pinned by a blue glare he suddenly found at his throat. "And a handy artifact, Gorru Nova, the Sword of Light. One little slip and you join your friend in the darkness beyond deepest pitch."   
  
I gave another merry little chuckle as I drew the sword along his neck, the merest hair's breadth away from slitting his throat. "Perhaps you would like to know the flaw in my plan, the one that would let you live and see me dead and defeated? Now, that is a secret, but I'm sure you can read my mind, so it won't be a secret for long." His eyes met mine and locked.  
  
The screams of the mazoku reverberated through the cavernous hallways of the mansion before they ceased abruptly, a total blank void staring out of dimmed eyes. I had invaded and destroyed his mind. I grinned in satisfaction and couldn't resist the urge to crow as I stood over the mindless husk of my vanquished enemy. "Why, the flaw would have been if you hadn't opened your mind to attack!"   
  
Then pain, excruciating beyond the ability to comprehend or describe. The hand of the Beastmaster reached into my soul and I shivered and collapsed. She pulled out the hate, the ambition, all of the darker aspects of drive and intelligence that would make a prince among mazoku and placed them in the husk sprawled on the floor. Chanting unknowable words, she stripped the human soul of all negative emotions, taking my darker side and leaving behind all of the softer emotions humans were prey to. Thankfully, she decided that her creation needed to retain the sense of humor that made some people call me The Trickster, and she reformed the body and features of the defeated mazoku to resemble me in the prime of my youth. At last, her ideal general and priest was ready and she woke me with a kiss.  
  
"And now, Xellos, you are mine," she purred, stroking a hand over my dark purple hair.  
  
"Yes, Lord Beastmaster. I am yours to command."  
  
But what had happened to the other half of my human soul, the positive emotions? Looking back I pushed through the haze of remembered pain to focus on what she had been doing as I drifted in and out of consciousness. Through memory's eye, I saw that at the exact instant my mazoku form awoke, my human body, still containing the half of my soul with the softer human emotions, died. Xellas had shrugged and dismissed the incident, just as she ignored the fallen Sword of Light as she took me to her home and her bed. My still-human soul half died and was reincarnated.  
  
By pushing the shrine maiden towards madness I had caused this dangerous weakness in myself. Every pure and strong negative emotion she felt took away part of my power, debilitating me to the point of barely functioning. If I killed her, the cycle would start again. I had to think of some way out of this. Seeing no immediate answer, I decided to consult with the one being who might be willing to help without taking undue advantage of my information, especially if I were to make an exchange of it.  
  
I materialized in front of Lina and felt an immediate icy pain in the pit of my stomach. The trauma of Sylphiel's life had laid the groundwork, but I had pushed her over the edge. Her madness was growing, feeding on itself to the point where I could feel it spreading and pulsing around her. I tried to explain my situation to Lina but the pain was so great I couldn't gather my thoughts into coherency. I felt a slight relief in the pain and realized Sylphiel was blocking out her negative emotions in order to cast a Dragon Slave on Lina. No one could prevent it or deflect it. As quickly as I could, I explained to Lina how to absorb the energy into the demon's blood talismans, hoping she would pick it up fast enough to save herself. Exhausted beyond belief, I popped back to my hiding place to try to recoup enough energy to try once more to talk to Lina.  
  
When I was well enough to return, it was the next day and the scene was chaos. Outside of some old ruins, Amelia and Zelgadis were standing over Gourry, their hands glowing as they put everything they had into a healing spell. Sylphiel was crumpled on the ground unconscious and Lina was sprawled with her back against a tree, exhaustion evident on her face. She held a finger up to her lips and gestured behind her with the other. I nodded my understanding and rematerialized behind her tree, out of sight of the others.  
  
I started to explain my situation but she held up her hand. "Right now Xellos, you have something I need and you want something from me. Tell me how to seal someone's power and how I can heal Gourry and I'll do everything I can to help you once we're back at the inn."  
  
I looked her over, assessing. Her gaze was unswerving as she looked stared into my eyes and I realized that if I denied her now, she would do her best to ensure I shared the fate of Shabranigdo, Zanafar and countless lesser monsters who had faced her. I wouldn't want to face her directly at my best; in my current condition it was unthinkable. I nodded and taught her the spells, drawing runes on the ground to help explain the concepts faster. She stood up and left to cast the spells and I rested against the tree, grateful for the moment of peace.  
  
That night, Lina listened to the entire story, from beginning to end. She looked thoughtful for a moment, toying with the one blonde tress in her fiery hair. "Well, Xellos, part of the problem is solved. That spell you gave me for sealing magic? I used it on Sylphiel." Lina explained to me what the shrine maiden had been doing that caused such debility in me. "She genuinely feels sorry for what she did, and I think that almost killing Gourry doused most, if not all, of the hate and obsession."  
  
"Yes, I do feel better, but what can I do to fix it permanently?" I hated the whining tone in my own voice, but I desperately wanted an answer.   
  
"I'm sorry, Xellos. I don't know what the cure for you will be any more than I know how to cure Zelgadis." She stood, being careful not to jar her ribs or brush her legs against anything. The injuries were the swordsman's but at least half the pain was hers, thanks to the spell I had taught her. I paid no attention to her leaving the room, as her words had triggered the memory of the voice of the Lord of Nightmares. I would find my cure when I helped the chimera find his. I just had to save the world first.  
  
  
End Part Two: Xellos 


	3. In Dreams

Before we start the fic, a brief note to avoid confusion.   
Thoughts/Dreams are written like this:  
  
[Lina]  
//LoN//  
  
A row of asterisks, indicate the passage of time, like so:  
*****  
Look! It's later!  
  
Thank you, and on with the show.  
  
*****  
Triptych  
  
Part Three: In Dreams  
  
  
[I lost control. The Giga Slave... Did I destroy the world? Is there an afterlife where I can be with Gourry again?] I fumble in the dark, trying to open my eyes. Then I realize that they are open, but they are not mine. My body belongs to the Lord of Nightmares.  
  
//Hush, child. You asked for me and I came. Not all are so favored.//  
  
[Yeah, well, thanks. Now fix it so Gourry's okay and that little creep can't hurt him more.]  
  
//You give orders to me?//  
  
[I don't see anyone else here.]  
  
//Little human, you intrigue me//.  
  
[I'm pretty intriguing. And I'm petite, not little. There's a difference.]  
  
//To me all things are little.//  
  
[It's the little things that make life good and interesting.]  
  
//Little things are boring. Maybe I would be less bored if all the little things again became part of me.//  
  
[What would that solve? You'd still be bored, just fatter.]  
  
//Fat? I am the Lord of Chaos. I am NOT fat.//  
  
[Just big boned, huh? Whatever you say.]  
  
//I don't know whether to laugh or destroy you.//  
  
[Destroy Phibrizzo. Save Gourry. I'll keep you entertained.]  
  
//For how long?//  
  
[I can keep it up as long as it takes.]  
  
//Very well.//  
  
*****  
  
//Why does this human follow us?//  
  
[He's my protector.]  
  
//Surely he understands you're not in danger?//  
  
[Maybe. You never know with Gourry what he does and doesn't understand.]  
  
//He cannot mistake who I am. What makes him risk himself for you?//  
  
[Well... I think he cares about me. At least a little. I wish he would stop, he's going to get hurt.]  
  
//Why does it matter to you?//  
  
[I love him.]  
  
//What is love?//  
  
[Love? Love is... Wanting to be with someone. Wanting them to be happy. But it's so much more. It's impossible to explain what love is. I didn't understand it until I felt it, and knew I felt it.]  
  
//How do you feel it?//  
  
[I feel it in my heart. I feel it when he tries to steal my food, and when he stands guard at night to make sure I'm safe. I feel it when I'm pissed off at him for not understanding, and I feel it when he takes care of me when I'm sick. I feel it when I sleep at night and wish he was there and I feel it during the day when I could say something to him but I'm so afraid of being hurt.]  
  
//I don't understand.//  
  
[Oh no, he lost the Sword of Light! He's going to be so unhappy.]  
  
//He doesn't seem to care about the sword. //  
  
[That sword means the world to him.]  
  
//And yet he willingly left it behind to go after you.//  
  
[I-- ]  
  
//He calls for you. He says he needs you.//  
  
[Gourry!]  
  
//Wh-what was that?//  
  
[Gourry......]  
  
//Yes, he grabbed our arms. I want to know what happened inside us.//  
  
[He's gone.]  
  
//No, we're gone. What was it that happened just now? And before? They were different from each other, but very powerful.//  
  
[Nothing happened.]  
  
//It wasn't something physical. Both of them are still there, and they're coming from your mind and soul.//  
  
[Are you picking up my emotions?]  
  
//...... Yes, I think that's it. What was the first one, the one that felt like a bright sun?//  
  
[That would be love.]  
  
//That is love?//  
  
[Yes.]  
  
//What was the second one, the one that felt like the depths of space?//  
  
[Despair.]  
  
//Why?//  
  
[Because Gourry was gone.]  
  
//I like the love better. Bring it back.//  
  
[It's still there. I just know I won't see him again, and I know he's unhappy, so the love is causing the despair.]  
  
//I want to feel it again.//  
  
[Take me back, then. Let me stay.]  
  
//You'll let me feel love?//  
  
[You're the Lord of Nightmares. You don't have to ask for anything.]  
  
//But I cannot feel on my own, not as brightly as you do. And your fear is not very interesting, so I must ask permission or be bored.//  
  
[Anything to be with Gourry.]  
  
//Very well.//  
  
*****  
  
I don't remember any details of what happened after I miscast the Giga Slave, just a confused amalgam of sensations. There is one thing I do remember, despite my loud and vigorous public denials. I remember the moment that I came back and felt the purest joy and love in the world, all caused by seeing Gourry. We floated down and he held me and I thought my heart would burst with the sheer, unmitigated wonder of it all. And then we realized where we were, and that everyone was watching us, and Gourry asked what he was doing, like he was completely disgusted by touching me. So I let him have it.   
  
It was two weeks after that, and almost everything had gone back to normal. The only problem was that I had been having nightmares every night of those two weeks, and I seemed to be having the worst luck in the world. My friends tried telling me someone was trying to kill me, but how could someone deliberately try to kill every day for two weeks and not come closer? If it hadn't been for the nightmares, I doubt I would have noticed the incidents, but the combination was unnerving.   
  
Exhaustion finally drove me to sleep and I dreamed. For the first time, I could see the specter that had been hovering in my recent nightmares, and it was a woman like none I had ever seen. At one and the same time, she was a swirling circle of stars, a beautiful blonde and a golden version of me. There were other things, other images of her, but I could not grasp more than the outlines as I floated in my dream.  
  
//You were supposed to show me love. I feel it, but I also feel other things. Why is this?//  
  
[Humans feel a lot of emotions, not just love. I mean, sure, there's love. There's also rage and hate and pain and fear of self and all sorts of things.]  
  
//Fascinating. Why would you fear your own self?//  
  
[Well, I fear what would happen if I lost control. Gourry went after me and said he needed me, but he didn't say he loved me. What if he loves Sylphiel? Or he still sees me as just a kid? I'd be humiliated. I've got too much pride to take the chance. And...]  
  
//Go on.//  
  
[It would hurt. I don't know if I could stand it.]  
  
[I don't believe I have felt hurt yet. What is it like?]  
  
I woke up, a scream stifled in my throat. It felt like all the pain of all my life was being drawn through me, brought to the surface. I felt tears streaming down my face and I fumbled for the opening flap, thinking I could sneak out while everyone was sleeping and take a bath in the pond we were camped next to. Maybe it would keep me awake the rest of the night.  
  
I hadn't even cleared the tent's entrance when I heard him calling me, softly so as not to wake the others. I tried to keep my voice normal and my face turned away. "Yeah, Gourry, what do you want?"  
  
"I want to talk to you, Lina. Please?" I could no more resist that voice than I could live without air. I nodded and walked over to the fire, trying as casually as I could to eradicate the tracks of my tears before he could see them. I felt my heart jump when he reached over and tilted my chin up, gently forcing me to look at him directly. "Please don't hide from me. If you cry I want to comfort you, not try to pretend I don't notice."  
  
I pushed his hand away, swiping the handkerchief from his other hand. "Who said I was crying? And people have been fireballed for touching me, you know." Okay, so it wasn't exactly logical to deny I'd been crying while wiping my tears. I hadn't had a lot of sleep.  
  
"I know. It's even been me a couple of times." He grinned, rubbing his head in his best aw-shucks manner. The one that made me want to leap at him and either pummel or kiss him into submission. "But that's not what I wanted to talk about. Well, it is, but it isn't. So don't fireball me yet, so I can say what I have to say and really deserve the burn."  
  
He took my hand and I felt the blush starting to crawl up my neck, storming the ramparts and basically taking over my face. "Lina, you're killing me." I realized I had been holding my breath, and let it out on a sigh. "I never dreamed I'd meet someone like you. I didn't want to fall in love with you. You're so much younger, heck, you just turned eighteen. It makes me feel like some kind of pervert, like I'm taking advantage. But I can't stop, you know? And I need to know."  
  
My mind latched on to one concept. "You love me?" I couldn't believe that little squeak came from me.  
  
He made an impatient noise, kinda rudely, I thought. "Of course I love you, Lina. That's not the point."  
  
Coulda fooled me. "It isn't?" I couldn't quite figure out what I was feeling. Happiness, love, yes, but predominantly disorientation and confusion.  
  
"No! The point is, you need to tell me what you feel." Gourry stood up, crossing his arms across his chest and scowling fiercely at me. "If you need to fireball me, that's fine. I just need an answer."  
  
I sat quietly for a minute, closing my eyes as I felt waves of love and fear and hope and pain crash through me. "Come here, Gourry. I'm not going to talk to you while you're looming over me." I patted the log next to where I was sitting.  
  
"Well, I guess you're not going to fireball me if you want me to be at that close a range." He smiled, seeming nervous, but sat down, folding his hands in his lap as he stared at me intently.  
  
The time had come. I took a deep breath and prepared to say the hardest words ever created. "I love you, Gourry. I have for a long time."   
  
Never, ever have I seen any human being move as fast as Gourry did. Not even Zel's chimeric speed compared. In less than a second I was on Gourry's lap and he was kissing me for all he was worth, and he's worth the world. I could feel every nerve in my body tingle as I wrapped my arms around him, losing myself to the kiss.  
  
I almost cried when the log gave way. Okay, partly because we hit the ground kinda hard, but mostly because he stopped kissing me and went to stand about three feet away. I started to follow and he backed up slightly, clearing his throat. "Lina... We can't do that sort of thing. You're not old enough."  
  
I hopped up, my hands going automatically into the fireball position. "Is this another breast reference? Because I'm pretty tired of that kind of comment, you know. Not terribly loving of you to make me feel bad about my body, bucko."  
  
Gourry held up his arms in a gesture of helpless surrender. "This has nothing to do with your breasts. Your body is perfect. It's just your age."  
  
Perfect, eh? That's more what I want to hear. "What's wrong with my age? And tell me more about this perfect thing." Gourry kept stepping backwards as I stepped towards him.  
  
"Well, you're underage. It'd be wrong to take advantage of you until you're of age." A sweat drop formed on his brow as I continued to stalk him.  
  
"What if I want to be taken advantage of?" I could feel the grin on my face growing more and more feral. Just a few more steps...  
  
"I don't think it works that wa-aaaaaaa-aaaaaaaaaaay!" Gourry had just fallen backwards into the pond. Once I saw his head above water, I very delicately removed my headband, followed by my gloves and boots. I could see just enough in the bright moonlight to note that his eyes were growing very, very wide.  
  
"Lina? What are you doing?" My grin grew even wider at his squeaky tone. I dropped the yellow band from around my chest and slid my tunic open, stretching as I let it glide down my arms.  
  
"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm going to take a bath, like I intended to." I shrugged, making my bare chest jiggle just as much as it could. He was staring so intently I got kinda shy, so I turned around while I bent over and slid my pants off. I heard a weird growling noise and I grabbed my tunic and whirled, checking to see if something was attacking Gourry.  
  
I almost got hit by a flying sodden shirt. The now bare chested Gourry was stalking towards me, and the look in his eye was just a wee bit scary. I considered running for the hills but before I could do more than shift my weight in preparation, he scooped me up and headed for the water.  
  
I kicked and flailed, hissing at him to put me down. He kept walking and I braced myself to be dropped into the cold water. He stopped just at the edge and toed off his boots, holding my wriggling body as if I was completely weightless. He stared across the water, looking as if he didn't remember the fact he was holding a beautiful petite sorcery genius whom he claimed to love that just happened to be completely naked. I was considering being miffed when he started walking again, and speaking in a low, conversational tone.  
  
"You know, Lina, you have no sense of self preservation whatsoever. I've never met anyone who had more need of a protector. You're a magnet for trouble, and you have no idea when to sit back and not provoke danger. I've been trying very hard for a long time to protect you, and you fight me." He'd walked into the lake as he talked and at this last he stopped. He put me down and my tiptoes just barely touched the ground, making me grateful for the balance of his arms around me. He leaned down, his breath hot on my neck as he whispered, "You win, Lina. I'm not going to fight you or these feelings any more."  
  
*****  
  
When I finally fell asleep, I had no fear of nightmares. The woman appeared in my dream, looking less omnipotent, more shell shocked.  
  
//I... I had no idea. Is human interaction always like that?//  
  
[I don't know. It was the first time I've done anything like that I don't think I'll wait too long to do it again.]  
  
//No, please don't. It was most... Stimulating.//  
  
[So... Who are you and why are you in my mind?]  
  
//I am the Lord of Nightmares. I am with you because it was the agreement you made in order to return.//  
  
[Oh. Yeah, okay, I remember now. So, do you feel your end of the bargain is coming out okay?]  
  
//Yes.//  
  
[Want more?]  
  
//More? There is more?//  
  
[Yes. You are the Lord of Nightmares, right? So why not be the Lord of Dreams, too? I'm sure there's lots of people in the world that would be happy to have you come to them in dreams. Especially men.]  
  
//Intriguing. But how would I enter their minds without destroying them? It is difficult to judge the amount of my consciousness and will I can exert, even on you.//  
  
[Use as much as you're using now, no more. Try to project the same feeling as you are now.]  
  
//Like this?//  
  
[Maybe not quite so much of a sexual element... Unless you want to star in some distinctly erotic dreams.]  
  
//While that would not be bad, I'm sure it would get boring eventually. Is this better?//  
  
[Much. You'll have to try it out, although I'd suggest using bandits until you're sure you're not going to fry the brains of the person you're joining. And I think it'd be better if I remember all this while I sleep, but forget it when I wake up. I won't be the same if I know you're there.]  
  
//Very well. I thank you, Lina Inverse.//  
  
*****  
  
I woke up and stretched, smiling. My smile faded as I looked at the other cots in the tent. I would have to do something about Sylphiel.  
  
I had already warned Gourry that the slightest hint at a relationship between us in public was absolutely forbidden. He was hurt until I explained that I didn't mean we would end the intimacy we'd formed, or never go public, I just wanted time to adjust. Ultimately I'm not sure he fully understood all my reasons, but I kept talking long enough that he was willing to shrug and go along with whatever I said. I think that's one of the main reasons I love him; when it's important to me, I get my way and he doesn't hold grudges.  
  
I didn't want to hurt Sylphiel, and I still don't. She's been through so much, and she's such a nice person. Heck, she saved my life when we fought Copy Rezo, and if she hadn't been there, that battle would have ended much differently. She's so delicate and feminine... Everything I'm not, but sometimes wish I could be. She's been a good friend, and I don't have many of those. I decided it wouldn't hurt to let things keep going as they were. I hoped she would work out her anger and go back to being the same sweet Sylphiel she'd been before.  
  
The instant I saw her face as Gourry made to enter the ruins at Vija, I knew I had made what might be the worst mistake of my life. The only other time I had felt such panic and fear was when Phibrizzo made to destroy his crystal, and even then at least there was something I could do. I froze, my brain trying to form the words to a spell, any spell that would keep this catastrophe from happening. I finally stuttered a levitation spell and pulled him out to where I could reach him to cast a healing spell. Sylphiel collapsed behind me and I knew she had expended all her energy in keeping Gourry from being killed instantly. Amelia and Zel ran to help and I took a moment to sit back, frantically trying to think of a way to heal his weakening body. I saw Xellos and knew he would give me some answers.  
  
He taught me the spells I needed without too much protest. The spell to seal off magic was fairly simple, but the spell Xellos taught me to heal Gourry had an interesting wrinkle. He insisted it was the only spell he knew that fit my request, and I didn't have time to argue. I walked towards where Amelia and Zelgadis were standing over Gourry.   
  
"Miss Lina, we've got him stabilized for now, but he's going to need more help. He's got three broken ribs, a punctured lung, a concussion, a fractured collarbone and quite a few nasty burns on his legs. Any of these would be treatable, but all together the shock to his system has been too much." Amelia looked grim, lines of exhaustion pulling her mouth into an unfamiliar frown. Zelgadis was still working on Gourry but his face was showing the strain of the effort.  
  
I nodded and started chanting, raising my hands in the prescribed manner. Zel and Amelia backed away as I bent down and touched Gourry's face, running my hands over every injury I could see. As I finished the spell, I saw one long lock of Gourry's hair turn a brilliant red just before I fell next to him. He would keep that lock of my hair until I stopped feeling his pain for him. I waved Zel and Amelia away, telling them to hurry up and heal Gourry. As they worked, I felt my pain, his pain, abate. They mended his lung and I breathed easier, managing to bring myself to my feet. I staggered over to Sylphiel and muttered the necessary words, sealing away her magic until I died or chose to let her have it back. I tried to pick her up and staggered, barely managing to put her down without collapsing.  
  
Amelia saw what I was doing and hurried over. "We think it'd be best to move back to the inn now, Miss Lina. Can you walk?"  
  
I saw that Zelgadis had picked up Gourry and was already walking back towards the city. I nodded and started stumbling after Zel as she followed, carrying Sylphiel. We heard gasps from townspeople, shocked that such a thing could happen at a site where they had played as children, where their children played now. My eyes burned with tears and I knew I had to confront Sylphiel.  
  
*****  
  
Night finally came, and I sent Zel and Amelia off to their beds before I crawled into the bed next to Gourry. I took comfort in his warmth and bulk as exhaustion overcame me and I sank into sleep.  
  
//My child, why did you not call upon me for help?//  
  
[I don't remember about you during the day. Besides, I can't cast the Giga Slave every time I break a fingernail, you know.]  
  
//I suppose that's as it should be. Still, I can finish the healing now.//  
  
[You just want to feel more-]  
  
//Yes.//  
  
[Thank you for healing him.]  
  
//I have practiced entering the minds of many bandits. They are not as amusing as you are.//  
  
[Well, you know, not everyone can be a petite sorcery genius.]  
  
//I learned many names for you from them. Dragon Spooker, Chaos Incarnate, Enemy of All Who Live, Bandit Killer... More than one wet his pants when I appeared in your form.//  
  
[Why does everyone call me those things? I'm a nice girl, really. I just don't like bandits.]  
  
//They fear you.//  
  
[Oh, well. Who cares what some smelly old bandits think, anyway.]  
  
//You do.//  
  
[Okay, sorta. But they're not really that important. It's more annoyance than anything else.]  
  
//As you say.//  
  
[Anyway. How're you doing on control?]  
  
//I've mastered it. I am, in fact, also talking to your Gourry at the moment.//  
  
[Really? Is he okay?]  
  
//Ask him.//  
  
I woke up and looked into the most beautiful blue eyes that ever existed. I fell into his arms and cried from the joy and relief I felt. He smiled and held me until I had finished, his hand running over my back the best sensation I could think of. Finally I propped myself up beside him, balancing on one elbow. "Can I ask a question?"  
  
He smiled and reached out to stroke my cheek. "Sure, anything."  
  
I had him in a headlock before he could blink, rubbing my knuckles into his skull as I berated him for being stupid enough to get himself hurt. I stopped cold when I heard him laugh and say, "Do you know, this is exactly why I make comments about your breasts?"  
  
I dropped him and sat down heavily. "What? Why do you say that?"  
  
He smiled like a cat who had eaten a whole pterodactyl and chased it with a gallon of cream. "Most of the time when I make a breast comment, you get me in a headlock and I get a very good and close view of the breasts in question. Handy, don't you think?"  
  
"So you would make me feel bad just to get a cheap thrill? That's low, Gourry." I turned my back on him and sniffed.  
  
"Come on, don't be like that. Considering the pain you inflict, I wouldn't call it a _cheap_ thrill, anyway." He reached out and pulled my shoulder towards him.  
  
"Don't you give me that kind of line. And keep your hands to yourself, buster." I went to stand at the window, leaning out to look at the stars. To be honest, I wasn't that upset... But it looked like it might be fun to have him jump through a hoop or two.  
  
"That's not what you said in the pond. Then it was 'Please, Gourry, please!'" He nuzzled my neck and I smiled, that damn blush creeping up again. I closed my eyes and gave myself over to sensation.   
  
*****  
  
We set out the next morning. Sylphiel played her part well, convincing everyone that it was her idea to stay. I still wasn't sure how I felt about it all. There was a nagging sensation that I'd failed her, let her down. I don't know if I would have gone over the edge if Gourry had loved her, but I know that losing Gourry on top of everything else was a big blow. Could I have waited to start a relationship, however discreet, with Gourry until after she was better? I don't know.  
  
After we'd gone about a mile, I made a big fuss about leaving something back at the inn. I'm pretty sure Amelia knew something was up, but then I think she more than half suspects the real reason Sylphiel stayed behind. With her support, I managed to get away without the guys being too suspicious. I raywinged my way back and landed in the courtyard of the temple, just in front of the gardens. Sylphiel looked up and saw me, then stared at her hands.  
  
"Sylphiel, I... I wanted to let you know you don't have to stay here. I'm not ready to trust you with your powers again, but I don't think you should be a prisoner." I'd thought about this a lot. I can't imagine a worse fate than being forced to remain in one place, and ultimately she didn't do any harm. She could have, but she didn't.  
  
"Miss Lina. You don't know what I would give to start all over again, to clean up my mistakes." She bit her lip. "I can't, though. I can't go back and put it right."  
  
I couldn't think of what to do. I put a hand on her shoulder and tried to say something, anything, but before I could she started talking again. "No, don't speak. I want to stay here. It's as nice a place as any, and it's peaceful. I need time to grieve for what I've lost, and to atone for what I've done. I can do both here."  
  
I shrugged. "If you want to stay here, that's fine. Just remember that you're not a prisoner, and you don't have to spend every living moment in misery. Take a walk on the wild side every once in a while, have a drink or go out on a date. Try to laugh some more, Sylphiel. Please." She nodded, but avoided my eyes. I didn't know of anything else to try to say to make her feel better, so I said goodbye again and took off.   
  
She waved goodbye as I soared into the air, enjoying the air on my face and the sun on my back. There were still problems, still pain and sadness in the world but at the moment none of it could touch me, Lina Inverse, Sorceress Extraordinaire.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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Author's note:  
  
Thanks again to QueSeraSera and Jheran for beta reading above and beyond the call of duty.   
  
I'm starting on the sequels to this, and the first one, "Midnight Blue", is already up. Thanks to all of you who have left nice feedback and made me all happy that someone besides me likes this and wants more. :) Feel free to send me mail (mynuet@yahoo.com) or poke me with sticks over any of the messenger services to get me to write more. Feedback makes for a happy Sharlene.  
  
There's still over 10 song references in this fic, including lyrics and song titles, but no one's guessed any of them, so I guess I hid them well. First person to email me a list with at least ten gets to have me write a fic just for them, with whatever pairing or plot zaniness their prize-winning mind can come up with. Bonus points if you spot the ones translated from songs in spanish, but you don't need those to make the 10. 


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